Chelsea Handler is embracing single life harder than ever. At 50, the comedian told The Times her real dream is to have “lots of lovers everywhere” rather than settle down with just one person. For her, the idea of marrying or having a family just to avoid dying alone is ridiculous. “It seems preposterous to get married or procreate to have someone by my side when I die,” Chelsea said. She added that she plans to pay a nurse or even a drug dealer to “put her down like a horse” or help “usher her out of this world with a large dose of morphine” when the time comes.
Instead of worrying about dying alone, Chelsea is way more excited about her future plans. She’s getting ready for a stand-up comedy tour across Europe and is eyeing the chance to find a husband overseas , not for love, but for an international marriage license. “I’m dying to get the hell out of my country,” she said, pointing directly at her frustration with America post-Donald Trump’s presidency. She joked that her mission is to make sure all of Europe knows that at least half of the U.S. feels sorry for the current political mess.
Chelsea isn’t just passing through Europe for a quick show either. She’s planning a full summer experience, promising to return for Wimbledon and Glastonbury and admitting that summertime in London is where she’s had some of her best love affairs. “I would live in London in two seconds,” she said, already picturing herself mixing comedy, culture, and romance across the pond.
Looking back on her life choices, Chelsea is pretty proud she made it through the years when marriage and kids seemed like expected steps. She said she navigated her twenties to forties , with a few proposals and second thoughts sprinkled in , but ultimately avoided both getting married and having children. Now, standing firm at 50, she feels she’s finally free. “I won, I did it, and I’m free now,” she said, celebrating the fact she didn’t cave under societal pressure.
Chelsea Handler is not here for your traditional happily-ever-after story. Her version of happiness involves lovers around the world, plenty of adventure, and no regrets about walking through life solo.
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