Billy Joel is laying bare one of the darkest chapters of his life, one that nearly ended it all.
In the new documentary Billy Joel: And So It Goes, which premiered June 4 at the Tribeca Festival in New York City, the iconic “Piano Man” singer doesn’t hold back. He shares how, in his early 20s, an affair with his best friend’s wife led to the collapse of his first band, a breakdown in his closest friendship, and two painful suicide attempts that nearly cost him his life.
Back when Joel was just starting out, he played in a band called Attila with his best friend and drummer, Jon Small. Things took a heartbreaking turn when Joel fell in love with Jon’s wife, Elizabeth Weber. The three of them were even living together at the time, Joel, Elizabeth, and her son with Small. According to Elizabeth, it was a “slow build,” but once Jon sensed the change, Billy came clean: “I’m in love with your wife.”
The fallout was swift and brutal. Joel admitted he felt like a “homewrecker” and said he deserved the punch in the nose Jon gave him. “I felt very, very guilty about it. They had a child,” Joel said in the documentary. “Jon was very upset. I was very upset.” The affair destroyed Attila and ended his friendship with Small, at least for a while. Elizabeth vanished from Billy’s life for some time, but the pain didn’t. Joel spiraled into depression, drinking heavily, sleeping in laundromats, and falling into a mental state he now recognizes as almost psychotic.
“I had no place to live. I was depressed to the point of being psychotic. I didn’t want to live anymore,” Joel said. “Why hang out when tomorrow will be just like today, and today sucks?” His first suicide attempt came when he downed a full bottle of sleeping pills, ones his sister Judy Molinari gave him to help him sleep. She worked as a medical assistant and had no idea what was coming. “Billy decided he was going to take all of them,” Judy said tearfully. “He was in a coma for days… I thought I’d killed him.”
When Joel woke up in the hospital, he still didn’t want to go on. He even told himself that if he tried again, he’d “do it right” next time. And he did try again, this time by drinking an entire bottle of lemon Pledge. It didn’t work, thankfully. Ironically, it was Jon Small, the man he’d betrayed, who rushed him to the hospital. “Even though our friendship was blowing up, Jon saved my life,” Joel said. Jon added that he believed Joel’s guilt came from how much he truly loved him as a friend: “It killed him to hurt me that much.”
Joel’s emotional rock bottom led him to check himself into an observation ward. He described himself as a “lost soul,” broken and unsure of what came next. But that short stay, just a couple of weeks, turned into a turning point. “I thought to myself, you can utilize all those emotions to channel that stuff into music,” Joel recalled. That insight ultimately became the foundation for his iconic songwriting career, turning his pain into something that millions around the world would eventually connect with.
Years later, Joel and Elizabeth Weber rekindled their relationship and were married from 1973 to 1982. As for Jon Small, he eventually forgave Joel, and their bond was slowly repaired. Now, at 76, Joel is looking back on that time not to wallow in regret but to show that even at your lowest, there’s a way back.
Billy Joel: And So It Goes is set to hit HBO in July and promises even more revelations from the man behind some of the most beloved songs in American music history. His story is a brutal reminder of how fame doesn’t protect anyone from emotional collapse, but also proof that survival is possible, even when everything feels lost.
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