1. The Mountain of Boxes

Your doorstep looks like a miniature Amazon warehouse. You have enough cardboard to single-handedly start a recycling empire. Neighbors pass by with a raised eyebrow, silently judging your newfound collection of “essential” items, like the heated butter knife and the third pair of noise-canceling headphones—because, of course, one is never enough when it’s 50% off.

And somewhere in the pile is the 65-inch TV you wrestled from Karen in the electronics aisle. Worth it? Absolutely.

2. The Curse of the Duplicate Deals

You open your shopping bags to find not one, not two, but FIVE identical air fryers. Why? Because when panic buying hits, logic disappears. “But it was a great deal!” you mutter to yourself, wondering how you’ll explain this to your family, who doesn’t even like fried food.

3. Buyer’s Remorse: The Return Lines

It’s Saturday morning, and the post-Black Friday return lines are already longer than the checkout lines were yesterday. Shoppers clutch their impulsive purchases with shame, exchanging side-eyes with their fellow returners.

“Who even needs a glow-in-the-dark yoga mat?” someone whispers, as the guy ahead of them sheepishly places three karaoke machines on the counter. The cashier sighs. This isn’t her first rodeo.

4. The Social Media Flex

The real Black Friday victory isn’t the deals; it’s the Instagram posts. “Look at the Dyson I scored for $200 off!” says the caption, carefully cropped to hide the mess of receipts and unopened gadgets behind it.

Everyone pretends they’re thrilled with their haul, but deep down, we’re all wondering if we really needed a blender that connects to Wi-Fi.

5. The Christmas Gifting Loophole

“Well, I can gift some of this for Christmas,” you tell yourself. Because what screams “thoughtful holiday present” more than a waffle maker purchased in a fight-or-flight mode at 3 a.m.? Your aunt might not need it, but she’ll smile politely while wondering why you gave her a discounted neck massager.

6. The One Winner: The Retailers

As you sit surrounded by boxes and existential questions, retailers are sipping champagne, laughing at the chaos they created. The “deal of the century” toaster you bought for $20? Turns out it was always $20, just with a strategically placed red tag. Well played, corporate overlords. Well played.

7. The Eternal Promise: “Next Year Will Be Different”

By Sunday night, you’ve sworn off Black Friday forever. “I’ll be smarter next year,” you say, deleting every sale email from your inbox. But deep down, you know the truth. Come next November, you’ll be back in the aisles, ready to fight Karen for a discounted espresso machine.

Closing Thoughts

Black Friday isn’t just a shopping day—it’s a cultural phenomenon. It’s where we lose our minds, our money, and, sometimes, our dignity, all in the name of a “deal.” But as chaotic as it gets, it’s also the only time of year where a $10 discount feels like winning the lottery.

So here’s to the aftermath: the regrets, the unopened gadgets, and the memes we’ll laugh about until next year rolls around. Let’s face it, we wouldn’t have it any other way.