
Congress vs. TikTok: Revisiting the Most Ridiculous Moments of March 2023
When TikTok CEO Shou Zi Chew appeared before the U.S. Congress in March 2023, many expected a serious discussion about national security, data privacy, and social media accountability.
Instead, what unfolded was a masterclass in misunderstanding, featuring questions so bizarre they turned a critical hearing into an unintentional comedy show. Here’s a roundup of the wildest—and frankly dumbest—moments that left tech-savvy viewers facepalming.
1. “Does TikTok access the home Wi-Fi network?”
Representative Richard Hudson of North Carolina came out swinging with this hard-hitting question: “Does TikTok access the home Wi-Fi network?”
Chew, clearly taken aback, responded politely, “Only if the user turns on the Wi-Fi.” Yes, Richard, apps on your phone need the internet. Welcome to 2023, where apps can’t send data over smoke signals.
2. “Why do you need to know where the eyes are?”
Georgia Representative Buddy Carter had some burning questions about TikTok’s face filters. Specifically: “Why do you need to know where the eyes are?”
Chew explained patiently that the app uses facial recognition to apply fun effects like sunglasses or hats, and that this data is stored only on the device. But imagine a world where TikTok actually needed your eye coordinates for nefarious purposes—“Operation Sunglasses Filter” doesn’t sound like a top-tier spy plot.
3. “If the CCP tells ByteDance to turn over all data that TikTok has collected inside the US, do they have to do so according to Chinese law?”
Representative Dan Crenshaw had his sights set on proving TikTok’s ties to the Chinese government, asking this loaded question. What he might not have realized is that Chew is Singaporean, not Chinese, and TikTok has gone to great lengths to isolate U.S. user data. But hey, let’s not let pesky details like nationality or operational facts get in the way of a good conspiracy.
4. “Does TikTok track pupil dilation to amplify content?”
Buddy Carter returned to the spotlight with another chef’s kiss question: “Can you say with 100% certainty that TikTok does not use the phone’s camera to determine whether the content that elicits a pupil dilation should be amplified by the algorithm?”
Yes, Buddy. TikTok is using your eyes like lie detectors, scanning for micro-dilations to decide if you love dance trends or cat videos. Chew reassured everyone that TikTok doesn’t track pupil dilation, but the mental image of Congress imagining TikTok as Big Brother with a monocle is priceless.
5. “Does TikTok support genocide?”
Representative Debbie Lesko went straight for the jugular, asking Chew about China’s treatment of Uyghurs. While the issue is serious and worthy of discussion, it’s not exactly within the TikTok CEO’s job description to fix international human rights abuses. What’s next? Asking the DoorDash CEO about the state of world hunger?
6. “How does TikTok connect to Wi-Fi?”
Yes, this one’s worth a double-take. It turns out the concept of a phone connecting to Wi-Fi was a recurring theme among lawmakers, as if TikTok invented the entire internet. Chew might have considered giving a quick tutorial on “How to Use a Smartphone 101.”
The Broader Takeaway: A Congress Lost in Translation
The questions posed during the hearing showcased a staggering lack of understanding about basic tech concepts. Instead of addressing real concerns like data storage policies or the implications of an algorithm that decides what millions see, much of the hearing veered into absurdity.
Here’s the thing: TikTok does deserve scrutiny. The app’s ties to ByteDance, its handling of user data, and its influence on society are legitimate concerns. But when the questions make TikTok seem like a villainous Wi-Fi vampire or an Orwellian pupil-reading overlord, it’s hard to take the hearing seriously.
The Internet Reacts: Memes Galore
Naturally, the internet did what it does best—turn the absurdity into comedy gold. Within hours, social media was flooded with memes about Congress members asking if TikTok runs on “magic internet juice” or whether it could read their minds. One user joked, “When will Congress interrogate Facebook about why my uncle thinks 5G is mind control?”
Another quipped, “Buddy Carter asking about eye-tracking is giving ‘Black Mirror,’ but written by your grandpa who still uses a flip phone.”
The Real Question: Are Our Lawmakers Ready for Tech?
Beyond the laughs, this hearing raised a serious concern: Are the people making decisions about tech companies equipped to understand how these platforms work? If Congress can’t grasp the basics of Wi-Fi or app functionality, how can we trust them to regulate billion-dollar industries effectively?
TikTok’s Final Word
Through it all, Shou Zi Chew remained calm, composed, and probably wondering why he didn’t bring a PowerPoint titled “Apps for Dummies.” In the end, the hearing did not do much to resolve concerns about TikTok, but it certainly gave us plenty of reasons to laugh—and a little bit to worry about.
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