Oops! Trump Administration Fires Nuclear Staff, Then Scrambles to Rehire

By
Leo Cruz
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In a historic display of bureaucratic gymnastics, the Trump administration accidentally fired more than 300 employees of the nuclear staff from the National Nuclear Security Administration (NNSA) on February 14, 2025.

Yes, you read that right. They fired the people responsible for managing America’s nuclear arsenal. Because what better way to celebrate Valentine’s Day than with an atomic-level screw-up?

“You’re Fired!” – But Actually, Never Mind

Somewhere in a dimly lit government office, a group of officials presumably thought they were making history—perhaps implementing a bold new efficiency plan or trimming “excess” government spending. Instead, they signed pink slips for 300+ nuclear personnel from the staff, an action akin to tossing your car keys out the window on the highway and then remembering you still need to drive.

The mistake became clear when the U.S. nuclear security hotline rang unanswered and an aide wondered why the entire command center had suddenly gone eerily quiet. It’s one thing to accidentally delete an important email—it’s another to accidentally delete an entire department tasked with ensuring the world doesn’t turn into a glowing wasteland.

The “Oh, Crap” Moment

Realizing their error, officials scrambled to undo the damage faster than you can say “mutually assured destruction.” In a move that was half emergency crisis management and half sitcom plotline, government personnel were hastily contacted and offered their jobs back. Some received re-employment notices within hours, while others were already halfway into celebratory margaritas, believing they had just been forcibly retired with full benefits.

Insiders claim the official explanation was something along the lines of: “It was a clerical error.” Which, of course, is an understatement rivaled only by calling Chernobyl a “mild power outage.”

The Fallout (Not the Radioactive Kind—Yet)

The incident has sparked a wave of criticism, memes, and collective disbelief from both sides of the political spectrum. Social media exploded with reactions:

  • “How do you ‘accidentally’ fire an entire nuclear agency? Did someone lean on the delete key?”
  • “This is why we don’t let interns handle national security.”
  • “At this rate, I wouldn’t be surprised if they accidentally sell Area 51 on Craigslist next.”

Experts warn that while this blunder was corrected quickly, it raises significant concerns about government oversight, decision-making, and whether anyone in charge actually reads what they sign before hitting ‘send.’ Meanwhile, the fired-and-rehired nuclear staff have been promised their jobs are safe—at least until someone accidentally labels them as ‘spam’ again.

A Valentine’s Day to Remember

While most people were celebrating love, chocolate, and overpriced roses, the nuclear staff security team was dealing with an existential crisis of their own: unemployment. Employees reported going through all five stages of grief in under three hours, only to be yanked back into national service with no warning.

One anonymous worker summed up the day: “I woke up protecting the country, by noon I was unemployed, and by dinnertime I was back in charge of nuclear warheads. I need a drink.”

What’s Next?

In response to public outcry, officials have assured everyone that “procedures will be reviewed to ensure this does not happen again.” Whether that means implementing better internal controls or just investing in a really big UNDO button remains to be seen.

As for the nuclear staff, they’re back at work, presumably with an even stronger coffee addiction and a newfound skepticism toward HR emails. Let’s just hope their access cards still work.

Leo Cruz
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