When Canadian singer Grimes revealed she had been diagnosed with autism and ADHD at the age of 37, the news sparked empathy, curiosity, and, most importantly, conversation.
Her post on X wasn’t just a personal reflection; it pointed to a much broader, underreported issue: girls are still slipping through the cracks when it comes to early autism diagnosis.
“I feel like, had we known this when I was a child, I would have worked so much less hard… so many of the weird obsessions and motivations I had would have been seen as pathological,” Grimes shared candidly.
And she’s not alone. According to the CDC, one in 36 children in the U.S. is diagnosed with autism, but boys are diagnosed nearly four times more often than girls. That disparity isn’t because autism affects boys more, it’s because the system isn’t built to see how it shows up in girls.
The Hidden Struggle: Masking and Mislabeling
“Girls are often undiagnosed mainly because they show different patterns than boys,” says Ralph Moller, Director of Operations at Above & Beyond Therapy. “They’re more likely to develop masking strategies to hide their autism traits and blend in more easily.”
Translation? They adapt. They mimic. They perform neurotypical behavior so well, parents and teachers often miss the signs.
What looks like “being shy,” “quirky,” or “gifted” might actually be signs of autism. A girl who seems unusually advanced in language skills might not just be precocious, she may be hyper-focusing on language in a way that masks underlying social difficulties.
And when girls do speak up about sensory overload, social fatigue, or emotional exhaustion, they’re too often misdiagnosed with anxiety or depression, sometimes both. This isn’t just a diagnostic oversight. It’s a systemic failure with lifelong consequences.
Meltdowns Behind Closed Doors
“Girls on the spectrum often spend enormous amounts of energy holding themselves together in public,” Moller explains. “It’s common for them to come home from school or social events and have emotional meltdowns. They’ve been ‘performing’ all day.”
These moments are usually dismissed as mood swings, puberty, or stress. But when they become a consistent pattern, especially when paired with rigid routines, hyperfixations, or social withdrawal, it’s time to dig deeper.
What makes this particularly damaging is that many girls internalize the idea that they’re simply “bad at life.” They grow up believing their exhaustion or social challenges are personal failures, not symptoms of a neurodevelopmental condition that could be supported with the right intervention.
What to Watch For: The Subtle Signs of Autism in Girls
Moller points to several red flags that are easy to miss in girls:
- Advanced vocabulary: May look like high intelligence, but could also be a form of hyperfixation.
- Eye contact: Instead of avoiding it, some girls learn to force it, giving the false impression of neurotypical communication.
- Social mimicry: Girls may copy others’ social behaviors without truly understanding them.
- Fixations: Unlike stereotypical “boy” fixations like trains or numbers, girls may obsess over animals, books, or fictional characters, interests deemed “normal.”
- Exhaustion from masking: Emotional outbursts or shutdowns often happen in private.
These aren’t always easy to spot, especially if the child is doing well academically or appears socially functional. But early diagnosis can make a world of difference.
The Cost of Missing It
An early diagnosis means access to better tools, therapies, and self-understanding. Without that, many women go through life feeling alienated, burned out, or misdiagnosed. As Grimes reflected, “So many of the weird obsessions and motivations I had would have been seen as pathological… I’m glad I overcame them, but I wish it hadn’t been so hard.”
Moller emphasizes, “When a girl shows difficulties with social relationships but has learned to mask them, it’s easy to dismiss her struggles as anxiety or insecurity. But early intervention leads to better outcomes, especially in building self-esteem and social understanding.”
What Parents and Caregivers Can Do
It starts with paying closer attention to the emotional and behavioral patterns that don’t match neurotypical expectations, even if they seem “mild.”
- Talk to your pediatrician if you notice a consistent struggle with emotional regulation or social cues.
- Request developmental screenings and don’t be afraid to seek a second opinion if you feel your concerns aren’t taken seriously.
- Watch for the cumulative signs, rather than waiting for a “classic” presentation.
A diagnosis isn’t about labeling, it’s about unlocking understanding, building support systems, and empowering individuals to thrive in their own way.
The Bottom Line
Grimes’ story isn’t just a headline, it’s a wake-up call. Girls with autism aren’t less common. They’re just less visible. And in a world where visibility often determines care, we owe it to the next generation to do better.
Because nobody should have to wait 37 years to feel seen.
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