SZA didn’t think anyone would come to the Grand National Tour to see her.
In a recent conversation with Chappell Roan for Interview magazine, the R&B star opened up about the intense anxiety she experienced before taking the stage alongside Kendrick Lamar.
“Every time I had to go on stage, every time I had to get on a carpet, I’d have full-on panic attacks,” SZA admitted. The Grammy-winning artist explained how self-doubt often consumed her to the point where she’d avoid events entirely. “I used to not show up to something because it was like, ‘I’m never going to win. No one cares that I’m here. Why would I go?’”
Despite sharing top billing on a massive global tour, she feared Kendrick would be the only real draw. “Same thing with the Kendrick tour. Everybody’s going to see Kendrick,” she said. “I don’t even know if I have anything to show these people that’s exciting and new.”
But SZA didn’t let those anxious thoughts win. Instead, she shifted her mindset. Leaning into spirituality and what she called the “laws of magic,” she found strength in uncertainty. “Now it’s just like, ‘F*** it. I don’t have anything else to do, and I want to see where this door is going to lead,’” she shared. “I want to walk through the door. I want to see what happens in the uncertainty.”
She’s not doing it all alone, either. At her Inglewood concert last month, SZA brought out her longtime friend Lizzo for a surprise appearance. The two go way back, over a decade. “We’ve been friends since, like, 2013, but it was very organic and very random,” she said. “One day we were on the same tour, and I was like, ‘We’re about to drive out to Lake Michigan, do you want to come?’ And she was like, ‘Yeah, let’s go.’” That spontaneous hangout turned into a lasting friendship.
SZA has never been shy about being in awe of other women in the industry, either. She recalled being too nervous to approach Beyoncé at the Grammy Awards. “I can’t speak unless she wants to speak, in my brain, because I don’t want to bother her,” she said. “She looked so peaceful and beautiful.”
The Kill Bill singer called Beyoncé a “masterclass on poise, grace, artistry, beauty and kindness.”
While SZA might still wrestle with self-doubt, she’s clearly not letting it stop her anymore. Whether it’s pushing through anxiety, stepping into the unknown, or standing beside icons and close friends, she’s walking through the door, even if she’s unsure of what’s on the other side.
